I"t's the end of the world as we know it, and I'll be fine"REM

I'm going to focus on my Essay for English class. I'm so tired of math, I just took a test, and know I totally bombed it. If I re-take this class there is no way in hell I"m taking Pharo again. I think she lives off of the fear she creates in her students, of course there are the people who love her, who are very smart. I'm not dumb, not in other things, but as far as math you might as well put me at the goodwill inn. I am very bad at it. I"m admitting defeat, and concentrating on something I love english. I am going to concentrate on my CDA certificate for early childhood. I"m not sure if I will change my classes for next semester, or what I am going to do. I would love to just have a semester of acting, and creative writing, but what the hell could I do with it. Then again my grandmother would say I was wasting my time and money. There is nothing that I can do to make her proud of me. Then again I might just take someone else in Math. Money is the big thing since I know that I can't make a lot as a day care provider and I need health insurance. I feel like I have no where to turn, that all my roads lead to Burger King and Retail work. I wish that god would help me. I have been helping myself for years, so where the heck is he!!!!! I wish he could give me a hint as what the heck my life is ment for, because up to this point I have no clue, except the stepping stone that I am for other people to make it, and I remain stagnent.
Arcadia,.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I sit in a forest of green all around me with purple hues. I inch up against a large tree. I scan the horizon's green grass, oaks, pines, and beech's. The lake is just ahead, lap lap lapping against the shore, I listen to the calmness, and intensity breathing in it's essence. I sigh and let it out again. A squriel surrices to grab a acorn, hidding it away for the long winter that is coming. A smile spreads across my face. I bring myself up off of the ground onto my feet. I saunter to the lakes'

edge Pulling up my jeans so I can feel the water beneath my feet. I almost jump back icy coldness filing my entire body, now I am laughing at myself. I remember what it was like to be a child not to hold back I long for this life again, playing in the water as I watch the sun go down. I imagine myself back there, I put myself in a beautiful picture. This is home.

Some time for me, to sit back, reflect, dream........ ahhh it has been quit the day. I got quite a bit done with my take home test. I am praying that I can somehow become a genius for a day, just so I can finish my extra credit. It would help me to pass at least two more test if I can get the full five points on each extra assignment. That is totally dreaming though in a world where all things are possible. Where the song I love "Under Pressure" by David Bowie is no longer true. A place I guess I'll call heaven. Ha ha. They say our world is so beautiful and maybe it is, but it would be so much more if we weren't so boxed in, confined to work, education, money, please give me Waldon pond, Thoreau was so lucky, well in some ways anyhow. I get to work tommorrow, earn my keep :) Then I have to work on my edu so I can pay more into the system, and hopefully get a good job to survive. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

"This is ourselves, under Pressure..."-DAVID BOWIE.....

Send me AN Angel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's the last two weeks of finals, and I'm still getting a 2.5 in math, I"m still passing my linguistics classs, Lord save me, send me a messenger of faith, I can't give up now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
I am or have been totally losing it, Need I say more?
Joan of insanity....................

Color me a picture where reality is non-existent, Please!!!

Once you get up that big hill over the weekend, you end up right where you started from day one. Another hill to conquer and climb, another day to boggle your mind. Life is an irrupption of interuptions, it is a world where we must defend ourselves til our death. It is in a world where I can color a picture that is not judge but considered for it's beauty that I wish to live. Reality is not what fits into our dreams of childhood, our dreams of childhood are more difficult to achieve when we stop dreaming and start doing. It is said that if you really want your dreams to come true you can work very hard and you will achive them. I have learned from my short-lived academic life that this is an over generalization. There are very few people who do achive their dreams by just working hard. I know because I am that person in this point at this time in which my dreams I feel have been stolen. We all want to blame society, but aren't we the people society. So I ask myself and others how can we change who we are? How will we be able to make this better not just for the elite, but for all people. It seems to me that when america was created it was for that reason, for change to make things better, to accept differences, to accept so called alternative realities that we ourselfs create. It may sound funny, or psychotic, or like I or others have issues. When this does not occur some of us wish to
Interuption, end of blogger, sorry guys, homework help!!!!!!!
More deep thoughts before the end of the semester, then my fustration can be gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Arcadia

Confusion, life is my worst enemie!!!!!!!!!

Ok so your wondering how things have been, any more peachy then usual. No I'm still my grumpy olds self, trying to get through the tiny whole in a piece of paper, ha ha!!! I am so tired of everything, it sucks. I want a million dollars, so I can help all the poor people that the goverment shuns.
I can't wait til my computer is fixed, then I can write more to all the imaginary people who don't read my work. I have oodles of poetry, but who reads it anymore?
Well until i can fully gain consciencousness I"m signing off. So my friend can read my bloggers of the past!!!!! Hopefully they are entirely to checky!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've totally lost my mind, thank God Joan of Arcadia is back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:) At least it is one thing they can't take away from me.
ArCaDia