Not yet walking on sunshine, but close, much closer

It feels so good to be typing at a computer that doesn't fustrate me. I had a pretty good day today in linguistics class. It's a lot better then having a bad day. I"m still struggling with math. We are learning about fractions. I was just on dr. Math looking over how to do fractions, the most simplist terms, hey maybe I should get that book math for dummies, ha ha. It would be great, maybe I could learn something. It is so important even if it gives me the most infuriating time to understand these concepts so children aren't behind like I am. I was always TOLD I was Slow, but never anything else. It still is madding to not know if I really have a disability or not. I guess maybe my parents didn't want me to be labled, I thank them only for that. I just hope that I can keep myself inspired to continue my education. I had a muse today, and she told me I was beautiful, that I can succeed, and not to give up. She lives in my head, she's the good muse you know like the angel on your shoulder and then the devil remember those cartoons. I only hope one day the evil muse doesn't win. My support systems, yes they are also what keeps my good muse on the win/win!!!!

Joan of Arcadia hasn't been on in two weeks which doesn't help. I look forward to this program very much after a week of long hard studying. I must wait until April 1st for an new one. :) I tell myself that I must be patient. I have good news I will be going to CADILLAC to see my family on Easter so that means two days off from College, School, and Work!! Other then that I have two papers to write, and lots of fun with Fractions!!!!! Adios I hope someone reads this,anyone....... "are you out there can you hear me?"

I need a sign to let me know your here.

It's been a while since I have blogged. I have been trying so hard in college, ha ha. Yeah not much has seemed to come of it anyway. I study, but my tests for math so far have all come out the same. I'm still passing, how clever is that? I however cannot just sit by the way when all goes to hell in a handbag. So I have decided once again to fight this seemingly useless fight. It won't sem that way if I can crawl through the 8x11 Piece of paper my friend swears is possible. So if you don't hear from me it's becausing I am drownding myself in a flood of homework until easter weekend, when my honey has vowed to not let me carry homework home. Late nights, long hours, homework and lots of stress, it can't be much different then staying up late grading papers, making lessons plans, dealing with parents, and trying to adapt teaching methods to fit those of students, ok so maybe I am strectching it a little.

I am having a bad day. I had a whole blogger written, good too. I hate this life, I hate this world, I hate everything that makes us ethnocentric.
If I could I'd quit, I"d admit defeat.

Trying your best is never good enough, Trying your best is not what Americans do, Perfection is what the world expects,I took a nose dive.

Once again there is nothing positive to write about. If I could I would find a deep rivine and go hide in it to cry. I just failed a math test I studied for all weekend, come to find out I also failed my linguistics mid-term. I have tried for year, it is getting tiresome. I need a pep talk, not the usual either. I did study for both of these darn things. Of course I couldn't remember that derivational word creation ment we could use the word along with other letters added like personal when she said we had to use person I thought she ment new words by only using those letters in the word person. All the world is full of bullshit, and no matter how hard you try to fit into that shit, I don't I"m a square in a round bowl full of people. My purpose is only as I once said to push others up, and for me to stay down at the bottome of the bunny hill. If I had a choice and it wouldn't cost me money I would choose not to attend my classes any longer. I would choose to do something else. I hate to quit, I don't think I am a quitter, but isn't there a time when you have to admit defeat?
The only problem with that is the world looking down on you like your some kind of fool, or freak. My friend in my math class says that I am not going to fail. I wish i felt that way. LInguistics I have no hope for. I have no place.

"It's not all rainbows and butterfly it's compromise that moves us along"

someone once told me what if things don't get better, what if they keep going wrong? It is something that I have never wanted to believe; being the optimistic person I am. I try to take inspiration from those around me as well as artistic expressions that give me hope. Joan of Arcadia being one of them, along with Annie, Hope, Ellen Foster, Erin Brockovitch, ect. Right now I am going through a phase where I just feel sad. There are so many things going on all at once, and I just have to let them go and think of college. It's not only that some of it seems like it is a separation of even this life. I feel like it is something outside of me, maybe it's just the world, and how I perceive it.
I took my mid-term today for linguistics. I am scared shitless about how well I actually did on it. Math is going midiorcruly however you spell that word. My love keeps telling me that I will be a great teacher because I often doubt what I can do. Nothing to laugh at their even though I would love to write a ha ha in there. I am willing to acknowledge that I to make mistakes, I"m only human. My friend made a big mistake this weekend hurting me greatly only non presence. This person was not there for me like they said they would be, but spent time with others. It was her choice I guess, that she will have to live with. It will be a long time til we see each other again.
As much as I feel emotionally hurt by the world, some of it's people (mostly the government), and it's choices. I know that I cannot just stop time, the world, or life from existing. I believe it is important for me to have a good cry and move on. I will have to push some obstacles out of the way. It's not going to be easy. As "Matilda" said "No more miss nice girl!"
Arcadia

Apt blues, mid-terms, don't we all wish the world was fair.

Hi guys.

Wenesday I got hit hard with the news that our apt rent is going up to 630 a month. So my love and I are looking for a one bedroom, downsizing to save money if at all possible. I hope we can find it before may if possible. We have 60 days. My mid-term for linguistics is monday. I'm not really ready, but I do have a cheat sheet we are allowed to use. Life is pretty depressing when you think about it. We are born to live underneath a corrrupt goverment to make money so they can be on top and we can remaing on the bottowm. ahh ugh who knows I'm just tired of living like this. I work so hard, just to get no where. Everything goes up in price, but my paycheck, and everyday the rich are getting richer and the poor are even poorer. The average age of a homeless person is now 9!!! Can you believe that, it's insance, and we're America is supposebly one of the richest countries in the world our Americans are suffering everyday, without health insurance, proper shelter, and food, ect. It's such a shame that our country has so much, and we are all so greedy, especially those with big manchines, and lost of cars. I pray that one day money will disappear, and all we will have is each other.