Things are only getting more difficult.....

Tonight there is just to much going on in my head. I wanted to be able to fall into a deep sleep, early. 1 am is actually early for me, but instead I lay awake in bed thinking to myself of all the things I need to get done. How I am now the black sheep of the family instead of my father. I am the one everyone looks down at. They look at me to fail, and if I don't pass their tests, or do what I am told, then I am just like my father. I also feel like I am being pushed into staying in the classroom. The classroom is my prison, and I must work full time also if I want a better job. Fuck having a normal life, blue color, you have to achieve, make a better life, show us what you got, you can't lose out on what you could have had so you can relax, buck up you idiot. These our the things I feel are being screamed at to me by my brother, as well as other potential people in my life. Those people who worry that if I don't have a college edu that I will be lost, nothing. Maybe it's true, but I wish they could sit in my shoes and see how darn fustrating all this crap is, and everything that just piles on every year of my life!!!!!!!!!! No one wants to look, they just want to push me deeper into this madness, push, and pull! It's all about my potential, never about the what if's, or what happens. I am tired, I am worn out, I am very disappointed in myself, but also my heart is hardened by the republicans in the world that scream out to me, we are going to keep making cuts, and let you slowing swirl down the drain, you middle, lower class freaks, and soon no one will be able to attend college unless you sacrifice yourself for your country!!! I mean yeah it's nice we have our military, I have nothing against anyone who wants to join, but that doesn't mean they are the only ones who deserve a good edu. It should be affordable for everyone, not just the ellite. It's becoming only for the ellite every year. One reason school pisses me off, besides the fact I've been going forever thanks to how friendly and nice everyone is about giving you help towards college. It's like trying to get a dentist to give you a discount.

Give me a break, our world here is not as bad as a third world country, but guys what? The rate we are going, someday it might be.