I must have bee dreaming......
(Originally posted on my space @ yahoo360)
Sometimes you wish people could be more open. I really love my grandma, but she doesn't see things the way I do. It is very hard for me to just let it go. Sometimes I think she feels I have everything I need. I don't know if she really understands how hard I have to work to keep going, or smile. You see I recently read a comment in an editoral for the express newspaper that is printed in my home town. I was upset at the fact that this person felt if we did not care for the way our country was run we should just relocate. It angered me greatly since many people have obstacles that keep them from doing so. I wrote in how I felt about it. I never really expected it to get published. I like to write, voice my opinion. I don't like people to tell me I can't be me. I made a mistake thinking my grandmother would be proud of me. That she would actually look at it as an accompishment, or a stepping stone. Instead you know what she said? "Stop feeling sorry for yourself. She didn't look at it like I did. That I was sticking up for the under privaliged, or trying to force others to view the whole picture instead of the narrow road. I really believe that everyone should be allowed a space for home, a time for a new beginning, the ability to be. It's not always that easy. She thinks that because I can pay my rent, go to school, and pay bills, have a husband that everything will work out. She doesn't understand that everything can change in a blink of my eyes. I have done really well trying to be positive about my life. I feel what helps me is helping others, standing up for them, and being myself. Right now I wish I could stand in the rain, or watch the lightening with my dad outside on our old porch. It always brings back warm fuzzies. Thank goodness for memories, hope, and faith. I keep telling myself that things will be good. I'm trying not to jinx it. For now I'll just have to acknoledge that my grandmother may never understand me. I have to realize at least I love and understand myself. What's hard is that even if she is mean, or hurts me, I still love her. I just wish she could open up, to view the big picture. I'm afraid all she sees is the narrow road ahead.
posted by Angela K. Crandall @ 9:05 PM
1 Comments:
It's too bad that your grandmother couldn't offer up some praise for your accomplishment. It might seem like a small thing, but it's not. Your voice was heard. Imagine if everyone had the courage and opportunity to voice their opinions. But not everyone does, and that's why it's important to stand up for your beliefs. You probably voiced something that many other readers wanted to say. At the very least, you added something to the debate, and that's worthwhile.
There's a big generation gap between you and your grandmother. It could be that you two have different ideas of where your life may be headed. Fifty years ago, for most women just having a husband and a home to take care of was supposed to be enough. Now thanks to feminism, we have the opportunity to broaden our horizons. Unfortunately, not everyone agrees with this broadened horizon. While your grandmother may not understand or agree with your goals, at the very least she could provide support. Still, your acknowledgement that she may never understand you shows your own insight. Hopefully that insight will allow you to support your own kids and grandkids, even if their goals are different than yours.
In the meantime, at least you have a caring husband and friends to celebrate your triumphs!
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